Pssst… Your Most Resilient People Have a Secret (They’ve Killed Their Ego)
Listen, I’m going to let you in on something I’ve noticed after years of studying high performers…
Your most resilient people, the ones who somehow handle everything thrown at them without burning out, have discovered something that goes against everything we’ve been taught about strength and success.
They’ve killed their ego.
The Prison We Build for Ourselves
A while back, I was meeting with a mentor for advice. I shared the difficulty I was having, and he shared something that landed hard:
“I remember when I realized that to grow, my work ethic was going to be the first prison I’d need to break out of. When I learned to ask for help—to engage others to build something, to grow together—it was like unlocking a box. My work ethic transformed from a prison that kept me doing everything alone into a platform that lifted others up.”
His words hit me because my prison was different, but just as confining. My ego needed me to be the smartest person in the room. To have all the answers. To never admit I didn’t know something.
His ego demanded he work the hardest. Mine demanded I know the most.
When he allowed himself to say, “I’ve run out of capacity, I can only grow by letting go,” that’s when his growth started.
When I allowed myself to say “I don’t know, can you help me understand?”… that’s when mine began.
What Killing Your Ego Looks Like
My mentor then told me about one of his best analysts. “She’s mastered something most people never figure out,” he said. “She asks for help constantly, but here’s the thing—she knows everyone’s stretched thin. So she doesn’t ask for more work. She asks for ways to create more value with less effort.”
“Last week, she stood up in a meeting and said, ‘I’m stuck on this analysis. Who here has done something similar and can share their approach?’ Three people offered templates. She turned a two-day project into two hours. Then she shared the combined template with everyone.”
“She’s not afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘Who’s good at this?’ And when she does, something magical happens—her vulnerability inspires vulnerability. People don’t just help; they start asking for help too.”
The Three Things They Do Differently
Your resilient performers who’ve killed their ego share three crucial behaviors:
- They Make Helping Easy: They don’t ask for someone’s entire afternoon. They ask for five minutes of insight, a quick connection, or a specific skill. They respect that everyone’s overwhelmed and frame requests in ways that create value, not burden.
- They Create Reciprocal Networks: Watch them closely and you’ll notice something beautiful: They’re constantly connecting helpers to other helpers. “Oh, you’re struggling with that Python script? Let me introduce you to Marcus—he helped me last month.” They build ecosystems of mutual support.
- They Question What Doesn’t Add Value: They’re not afraid to ask, “Why are we doing this?” They help teams stop doing work that no longer serves a purpose, creating work capacity that matters.
The Vulnerability Superpower
Here’s what Adam Grant calls “powerless communication”—when you admit what you don’t know, people see you as more competent, not less. More trustworthy, not less reliable.
Why? Because confidence to show vulnerability demonstrates real strength.
But there’s a deeper truth: When you show vulnerability by asking for help, you give others permission to do the same. Your openness creates psychological safety. Your humility inspires humility. Your curiosity sparks curiosity.
Suddenly, the whole team starts operating differently. Instead of everyone pretending to have all the answers, people start finding answers together.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In a world where 82% of employees report feeling burned out, your resilient performers have found an antidote. They’re not trying to do everything alone. They’re not drowning in work because they’re not trying to swim solo.
They understand a fundamental truth: The ego that says “I must know everything” or “I must do everything” is the very thing that limits growth.
When you kill that ego, you unlock something powerful—the ability to leverage collective intelligence, to multiply your impact through others, to create value without creating burnout.
The Ethical Ask
Let’s be clear: This isn’t about dumping your work on others. Your resilient performers understand that everyone’s stretched thin. They’re not looking to shift the burden; they’re looking to eliminate it.
They ask in ways that:
- Save time for everyone involved
- Share resources that benefit multiple people
- Question work that doesn’t need to be done
- Create connections that strengthen the whole system
They’re actively working toward a world where that 82% burnout rate becomes 0%.
The Bottom Line
Since that conversation with my mentor, I’ve been practicing killing my ego daily. Some days it’s easier than others. But every time I say “I don’t know” or “Can you help?” I create space for growth—mine and others’.
Your most resilient people have discovered that killing your ego isn’t weakness—it’s freedom. Freedom from the prison of having to know everything or do everything. Freedom to grow beyond your limitations. Freedom to lift others as you rise.
The question isn’t whether this approach works. Your best people are proving it does, every day.
The question is: Are you ready to kill the ego that’s keeping you stuck?
How to Start Killing Your Ego
Start small. This week:
Choose One Thing You Don’t Know: Pick something you’ve been pretending to understand. Ask someone to explain it. Notice how they light up when sharing their expertise.
Make One Easy Ask: Request something that takes five minutes but saves you an hour. Be specific about what you need and when.
Connect Two People: When someone helps you, look for ways to help them or connect them to someone who can.
Question One Tradition: Ask “Why do we do this?” about one process or meeting. You might discover work that can stop.
Because in a world that’s moving too fast for any one person to keep up, the ability to kill your ego and ask for help isn’t just nice to have.
It’s survival.
And your most resilient people? They’ve already figured that out.
Ready to help your entire organization master the art of killing the ego and building resilient support networks? Our Leading at Every Level program gives people the language and skills to transform vulnerability into influence and isolation into connection.
[Discover How →https://zielleadership.com/eiinaction/]
About Ziel Leadership
We believe there’s a better way to work—one where people thrive instead of just survive, where resilience comes from connection rather than grit, and where asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Traditional training changes what people know. We change what people do.
This fall, we’re launching Leading at Every Level, a comprehensive program that builds these exact capabilities throughout your organization. Through bite-sized daily videos and AI coaching support, participants master the skills your resilient performers use naturally—all designed to fit into the flow of work, not disrupt it.
Learn more about how we can help your entire organization build resilient support networks that drive both performance and wellbeing.